Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
