ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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