She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
