just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
