I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
