singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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