I'm laying in your front yard are you home
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
