So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
