We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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