Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
