you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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