Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
