I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
