Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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