Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
