If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
