Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
