Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize