I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
