Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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