Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
