My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
