I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
