Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize