i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Randomize
