Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
