I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
