i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
