Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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