Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
