he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
