Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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