he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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