thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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