Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
you made out with another girl for some wings
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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