C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
