Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
