he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
