remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
