I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
