I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize