im drinking this country out of the recession.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
