I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Randomize
