My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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