would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
