I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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