While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Walk of Shame today included voting.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
