I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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