Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
