how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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