How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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