If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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