She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
