Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
