You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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