I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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