drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
