it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
