My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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