Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
