Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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