i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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