i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
