ugly people sure do ruin things
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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