yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
