I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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