I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
