Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
