we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
