My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
