were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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